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Apr. 8th, 2005 @ 06:23 am update & troubles
Posted By
PG BellyDance
caitilin:
Ian is 12 weeks old yesterday. Things have gone really wonky at home:

1) My in-laws are coming this saturday so we are excited and nervous. I have never spent more than a few hours at a time with them and they are staying for the week.

2) My boss at work just took me to lunch to pretty much drop the bomb that they are going to be making me a "key person" on a job that has at least 1 16 hour day a week for 16 weeks starting in June so I have to get a sitter and say goodbye to sleep.

3) My minion at work has said she either wants to be trained to do other things or she is going to find a new job so now we have to hire me a new minion and I have to train all over again.

4) Daddy and I are having some problems with the division of labor around the house. We are both full time working parents and the only one watching the baby when the other is at work. There are some things at the house that need to be done just to make the world turn and I am finding that the to-do list for each of us is not nearly equal. I am running constantly. I get up at 5 (now closer to 4:30) rush around pumping, getting ready for work, eating and getting out the door. I work all day and come home around 2 having to hit the ground running taking care of Ian because Daddy has to go to work. Ian and I work around the house, try to play some and then once I put him to bed I have about an hour to get anything else I need to get done accomplished so I can go to bed. Most nights I end up going to bed late so even though Ian is sleeping through the night I am still sleep deprived.

5) and to top it all off, what concerns me the most is that the day before yesterday Ian started refusing the breast. He has always been a good nurser. He has been on breastmilk bottles since 6 weeks when I am at work. He normally nurses fine when I am around. For some reason the day before yesterday he decided that he didn't want me, he wanted the bottle. The only way I could get him to nurse was to essentially stick my nipple in his mouth, squirt breastmilk from the bottle down me into his mouth and wait for him to stop screaming...then he would latch on and suck. I had to do this at every feeding. I am really concerned because I LOVE breastfeeding him and I don't want my supply to go down due to lack of use but I don't want to be tied to my pump and only give him bottles. When I feed him that is the only real quiet "Mommy & Ian time" we get.

I tried to talk to my mom about it and all I got was "well I wouldn't worry about it if I were you." It was as if she couldn't understand how upsetting it is for me even though I TOLD her.

I am also afraid that I might be getting a little ppd. I am crying all the time and it seems like when I talk to people about my problems with work and at home I either get lectured on how I am doing it wrong, or I am being told it is no big deal so I shouldn't worry. I start feeling like I can't tell anybody anything so I just say "no everything is great" and I just bottle it all up. That scares me.

I am trying to find the time for the things I want to do so I don't lose my mind but it is not happening and all I get from Daddy is "well just make time for it and stop doing other things." What do I cut out? eating? sleeping? I already don't clean but once a month maybe. I do laundry but I really don't mind that. Do I cut out paying bills? buying groceries? What else is it that I do that I can cut out other than fun stuff? We can't afford for me to quit because his company is closing. I am the only one with a steady job. And now with Ian not wanting to nurse I start feeling like I am being a bad mother too! Nothing in my diet has changed so the taste doesn't seem to be it. The only thing I can think of is that he has gotten lazy and doesn't like waiting for me to let down but I let down really fast usually.

I honestly just don't know what to do about all of it. I am doing everything I can but it just doesn't seem like enough. The only good thing that has really happened was that I got on the scale this morning. I lost another 3 pounds this week. I have now officially lost 42 pregnancy pounds. I now have 40 more to get to where I was before my miscarriage last year. I am half way there and I weigh less than Daddy again!

Edited to add: And there is a strange smell coming from my fridge. We have cleaned it out, made sure all the food in there is good and still the smell is there. It just won't go away and we can't figure out what it is.
From:starzabuv4me
Date:April 8th, 2005 03:37 pm (UTC)
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you can join boobie_bootcamp, they are very knowledgable about these type of things
From:anti_religion
Date:April 8th, 2005 06:51 pm (UTC)
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=( You in no way sound like a bad mommy. Just over worked and over tired. -big hugz-
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From:caitilin
Date:April 8th, 2005 07:06 pm (UTC)
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thank you so much.
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From:buttercup_99
Date:April 8th, 2005 06:58 pm (UTC)

First take a deep breath!

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Whew! That's a lot. First in case you haven't done it already put a box of Arm N Hammer in your fridge. It works miracles.

I think you probably do have a little ppd but it also could just be stress and lack of sleep. I know the feeling on not knowing what to cut. I have heard sometimes babies go through a little fussy stage where they might try and refuse the breast. I would just keep at it and he will probably get over it in a few days. I have gotten alot of good info from Kellymom.com on bf.

Is there anyway you can turn down the extra responsibilty at work with out it being held against you? Even in this day and age I wouldn't be surprised if the answer was no.

Even though it's making you feel bad now I bet getting the sitter for a few hours a day will actually be a big help. Do you think you will have someone in your house or drop him off? If they are in your house maybe a few extra bucks will get your dishes washed. Or maybe they'll just feel bad for the new mom and do it for free.

Also I have done this...Get a travel alarm clock and take a quickie nap in your car at lunch. That 30 min. can go a long way.

Most importantly if you love your little boy as much as you seem to you are not a bad parent! A few hours with a sitter is harder your psyche than his. I hope things look better for you soon.
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From:caitilin
Date:April 8th, 2005 07:03 pm (UTC)

Re: First take a deep breath!

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thank you. yes I already have a box of baking soda in there. I still can't get rid of the damn smell.

I have heard from a bunch of people that this refusing to nurse thing is not uncommon...it just sucks.

and no, I can't turn down the responsibility at work. I have already turned down so much that there isn't much of my job left.
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From:silverfairy2
Date:April 8th, 2005 07:37 pm (UTC)
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I hope you find some kind of balance in your life so you feel better and less stressed.
5. I suggest you pump for a minute or two (or however long it takes to make your milk come down) before you start to feed him. This way he won't have to work so hard for the first few swallows and he won't get angry (aka: pissed off!).
1. Do as much as you can and no more regarding the house for your in-laws. You have a new baby and work full-time. If they can't understand that then too bad. No need to get an anxiety attack over that. Probably your MIL will help you around the house for the week she is there(I sure hope so).
2. Don't worry about June until June and just try to find a sitter that you can TRUST with your child. Focus on the easy tasks first.
3. Maybe you will like the new person more than the one who is leaving and maybe she/he will be more helpful.
4. Figure out what HAS to be done and then both of you try to commit to a schedule that you each can handle. If you don't do it maybe he will step up to the plate and help change things. Don't overwhelm yourselves with too much stuff to do. Just do the essentials. Also, hiring someone to wash dishes or vacuum or mop, etc if you can afford it might be a good idea.
No matter what you are a GOOD mother and don't ever forget that. You aren't super mom and don't have to be. Do what you can and if things don't get done for a while then that is life. What is MOST important right now is taking advantage of this most precious time. Ian won't be this small forever and things will be different before you know. The way babies work is once you get a routine down and are comfortable they start growing up and doing more things requiring a different routine. They change too fast. Enjoy these moments and worry about housework later when things slow down. Do fall cleaning this year and who cares about spring cleaning.



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From:silverfairy2
Date:April 8th, 2005 07:41 pm (UTC)
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Also, I have PPD and you should probably seek help. They usually like to perscribe meds and Zoloft works well for most women. With no ill effect on the child for BF moms. I took it when I was BF my daughter and it helped a great deal. This time around (kinda scary, huh?) I am taking Paxil and it actually has increased my milk supply. That is one of its little known side effects.
I hope you feel better soon. Cry as much as you need to it helps, too! I wish I could cry sometimes.
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From:caitilin
Date:April 9th, 2005 12:23 am (UTC)
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oh gosh I don't need to increase my milk supply. I generally get 30 oz out of just 3 pumpings in a day. I have half a chest freezer that now ONLY has breastmilk. That is one of the few things that is going well.
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From:silverfairy2
Date:April 9th, 2005 12:30 am (UTC)
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That is awesome. I'm jealous!
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From:caitilin
Date:April 9th, 2005 01:32 am (UTC)
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yeah I feel like a real moo cow.

I saw an episode of CSI where some rich guy had a fetish thing about being a baby. He had his own adult size nursery and paid a woman to breastfeed him and give him bottles. He had a gallon of breastmilk in his stomach and a fridge full of 8 oz bottles of breastmilk. At the time I thought "who in teh world could pump that much milk?!" well a gallon is 64 oz and if I am getting 30 or so from 3 pumpings (realizing that quantity goes down as the day goes on) then there is the possibility I could pump that much in a day if I worked at it. That is just scary.

I keep kidding that Ian will be on brestmilk until he is 2 even if I ween him at 1
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From:cassandrakfreaq
Date:April 13th, 2005 04:15 pm (UTC)
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I don't know if this has been mentined but if you start having problems with supply or because your bub is to impatient to wait for let down have you looked into SNS? that would help keep up your supply